Your personal Magic – how to increase your Attractiveness and Charisma

What does Charisma mean
Charisma is much more than a superficial effect. It makes a difference to your outward appearance whether the way you present yourself is a genuine inner state or just a pretence. Charismatic people like their strengths and weaknesses and are aware of their values. They have visions and they have courage. They act purposefully, with dedication and love what they do. People with charisma have a positive attitude to life and they also see change as a good thing.

It is not about glamour, not about narcissistic self-promotion, not about the fulfilment of vanity, but about being authentic, with courageous and meaningful persuasiveness.

In addition to a certain gift of birth, charisma has many parts that can be learnt. If you know how non-verbal, interpersonal communication works, or how different language affects people, it is easier to bring in personal strengths and life experience.

Fear of one’s own charisma
Many people have a not reflected, but nevertheless existing fears and anxieties of their own impact. These fears and anxieties lead to unconscious blockages and resistances and manifest themselves as an inner denial, for example in small shortcomings such as unpunctuality, forgotten documents and incorrect clothing. And sometimes also in self-sabotage, such as not sending applications, missing appointments or not reading emails.
Marianne Williamson, a US-American author, shall be quoted here in extracts from her famous poem “Our Greatest Fear”: … “Keeping ourselves small does not serve the world ….
And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
Nelson Mandela recited the whole poem during his inaugural speech as President of South Africa on 10 May 1994 and you can easily find it, as your own personal encouragement, on the Internet.

Charisma and sovereignty
You may know this proverbs: “If you whistle in the morning, the cat will catch you in the evening”, “Don’t start the song too high that you can sing it to the end”. Modesty, restraint and unobtrusiveness are therefore desirable qualities. However, there are other people who do not seem to be subject to this predetermined level of self-restraint. That means, to develop freely and to grow beyond own limits is a serious option.

It is often your own self-esteem that becomes visible to the outside world. It is perceptible in the way you move, look, dress and speak. People with a high self-esteem, a pronounced self-confidence, are physically relaxed and move in a
way that reflects grace and gracefulness. Relaxed movements signal safety. A person with a stable self-esteem has a pleasant effect on others because their body signals that there is no danger. 

Honest charisma is always based on an appreciative attitude and the way to people’s hearts is rarely through their heads. Our brains are more calibrated to decoding body signals than to understanding verbal expressions.
A proper behaviour and a smart appearance are faster and more effective, relaxes the dialogue partners and promotes positive feelings. You only need to pay attention to a few things: 

Be the magician in dealing with others

Exercise
It is helpful to know, that people seek and strive for security, connection and self-esteem. That’s why you should ask yourself:
– Can I increase people’s self-esteem when dealing with them?
– Am I appreciative and friendly or cautiously critical?
– In general, do I make other people feel good in my presence?

High status / low status
Boss or Bunny
– Everyone has a favoured status (high or low status)
– Everyone has a status, even if they are alone in the room
– Status is also shown towards objects
– Status has nothing to do with social status 
– You can have different statuses depending on the person/group you are interacting with
– If changes take place in groups (e.g. one person leaves the group)
  then everyone else adjusts their status
– With the status, each person (unconsciously) pursues a goal (e.g. not to be attacked)

My tip for you
Do you want to be noticed, seen and heard? Exercise the body language of high status:
– Straighten up (good basic tone)
– Use larger symmetrical gestures
– Walk more slowly
– Allow yourself pauses
– Speak with a firm and clear voice
– Seeking and maintaining eye contact
– Keep your head still when speaking!

This non-verbal behaviour increases your charisma, your attractiveness and your persuasiveness. It is king behaviour.

We cannot behave neutrally. Every tone of voice and every movement transmits our status; no action is without reason or happens by chance. Even if we think we are not acting and are just standing around somewhere, our clothing, facial expression and posture communicate what we think of ourselves and where we fit in ourselves. 

Exercise
Become a status specialist by practising how to behave differently:
– calm and flowing (high status)
– jerky and asymmetrical (low status)
– tugging at your body, grabbing your face (low status)
– large symmetrical gestures (high status)
– long drawn-out sentence beginnings, “hmmm, uhhh” (low status)
– others who hesitate, interrupt (high status)
– feet turned inwards (low status)
– Standing broadly, straining the floor (high status)
– shaking the head (low status)
– Keep your head and gaze still (high status) 

Why it matters, where you are seated
Imagine, you are in a conference with your superiors and colleagues.
Where are you seated?
– at the front of the table
– next to the boss, on the right side
– Opposite the boss as a counter position with “contra”
– at the door, on the “jumper’s seat”
Imagine you are in an auditorium with other guest.
Where are you seated?
– in the front rows of the invited guests
– in the centre row of chairs, at the inner aisle
– last row in the audience

Exercise
Empathise with the individual positions and you will feel the difference. I’m sure, you will then look at social interactions with completely different eyes.

My tip for you:
The jumper’s seat is absolutely not recommended, because it is quite possible that you will be the person, who is sent to make copies, has to provide extra coffee, switch the lights off or on, etc. And, in the worst case, you can’t get out of the low status, even the next time. So, keep in mind, it matters where you are seated!

Mental discipline – Is your mindset right
If you find it difficult to send positive signals, you should check your mindset and check your general level of exertion resp. over-exertion. Just as the right outward behaviour is crucial to developing your charismatic appearance, the way you deal with yourself internally is just as important. What does your mental world look like? What are the rules of your “inner game”? How do you talk to yourself? Which thoughts are good for you? Which thoughts weaken you?

We are constantly talking to ourselves about our lives, commenting on our actions and asking ourselves questions internally. The quality of these questions and dialogues determine at a hight level the quality of our lives.

I’m sure you’re familiar with the hit list of your personal whingeing sentences, for example:
– Why do the same mistakes always happen to me?
– I always say the wrong thing!
– I’m sure they think badly of me
– What is it about me that they don’t want me?
– If I had more money…
– If I was slimmer …
– If I lived somewhere else …

Instead of this, you should think and feel
– What limits do I set myself
– Which limitations are real, and which are only in my brain
– How does it feel when I give myself permission for certain things

Exercise
Harvest your inner wealth and therefore make a list of seven appreciative sentences about yourself and make another list of seven things for which you are grateful. Give yourself permission to think well of yourself and treat yourself like your best friend. Without going into detail, the number 7 is a magical number. Use its superpower!

The biggest mental challenge is to permanently strengthen your confidence in yourself and your abilities and your trust in others. Being able to trust life, to feel at home in life – despite everything, has a lot to do with composure of mind. It is not an art to use up your own strength. The energy-sapping inner loops of repetitive negative thought sequences are one of the reasons why so many people have so little charisma. The energy that is consumed internally can no longer radiate outwards. 

Strengthen
– Trust in your own abilities (self-esteem)
– Trust in the ability of others (ability to bond)
– Trust in special powers (social order, faith, religion, spirituality, nature, music) Exercise 
Make yourself a small list, best with seven activities that will help you find and maintain your inner balance so that you can shine brightly on the outside. Here are a few examples: Go out into nature, listen to music, play a music instrument, read good literature, paint, do creative writing exercises, dance. Whatever it is, it will give you the feeling of something that reaches beyond your individual existence and strengthens you.

Concluding remark
Be your good mental host and recognise that difficulties in life are only ever a part of multidimensional reality. Get into the habit of trusting good thoughts. A small change in your inner conversations can make a big difference to the way you feel and how you appear on the outside.